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Rhiannon "Captiva Dior of BrynMoor" Rhiannon's Saga Rhiannon was the first girl I ever had. Always one to love the boys, I brought her into our home not knowing exactly what to expect. Well, she was just the most special little girl. Thinking that she was going to be the independent one, the ruler of the pack, the princess, I was surprised to find her walking by my side. She'd throw me special "knowing" glances -- like "look at those silly boys". She and I would let the boys out together and she'd help me supervise all their antics. She soon had the boys handing the toys off to her and moving over when she chose to take their place on the couch. She'd run a little bit and play a little bit but most of that she considered rough housing. She was a little too dignified to get too dirty and a little to lady-like to play too rough. In Tennessee, she'd stay by my side when the others would go romping off. When they would come back down from the "holler", then she'd take her turn. I soon felt like she had decided that it was her job to watch over me. She was a gentle spirit. As our "pack" grew with the addition of Jessica and Madonna, there was no argument when Rhiannon took the lead. Not in a commanding, dominant way -- more so like a regal queen. Rhiannon wasn't that close to the others. Each one after her had a close playmate but Rhiannon didn't. That has always bugged me a little. I'm not sure why exactly. She did enjoy going to Canada and visiting with her mom, Windy. She'd find her almost instantly and follow her around during our entire visits. I think Windy was sharing "leadership" secrets with her and trying to instill within her the confidence which could eventually have led to the "goddess" status that Windy now enjoys. Rhiannon was diagnosed with cancer in April 2002. An innocent little bump under her left eye turned out to be deadly. I have video of the day I noticed her blinking her left eye and shying away from the sunlight. As we had been out romping through the woods the day before, I thought she had scratched her eye. She went to the vet the following day and was given eye drops as the membrane at the bottom of her eye was very red -- probably allergies or just irritated. No warning bells were ringing. Her eye soon returned to normal and stayed that way for about a month. Then, a little puffy ridge developed below that same eye and she once again started shying away from the sunlight. We were up in Canada at the time helping Jess earn her champion's title. Rhiannon and I were in the ring together -- she showed like a real pro. We stopped by the vet to get more eye drops and the vet there said -- "If the drops and antibiotic's don't reduce the puffiness, it may be cancer." We scoffed but I instantly felt my heart racing a little and my stomach flip-flopped. So, we started her on the antibiotics and gave her the eye drops and as day 7 passed and the puffiness wasn't going away, I started dwelling more and more on that vet's fateful remarks. Two weeks later I had her back at the vet and we had a biopsy done "just to be sure" -- I remember apologizing a little for being an alarmist. She was just three years old -- it couldn't possibly be too sinister -- not little Rhiannon. Well, there were cancer cells present in that little puffy bump and the news just got worse. It was inoperable. Oh, I could have had surgery but not without causing major brain damage and certain facial paralysis. Her form of cancer, anode carcinoma, was deemed a very aggressive type, one that doesn't respond well to chemo. I did eventually place her on Navy's protocol -- a theory that works on the principle of diverting the blood flow to the tumor and basically starving the tumor so that it will shrink and die. But, this tumor didn't seem to have one feeder branch and soon it was evident that the massive amounts of antibiotics were useless. From the beginning I made a promise to her that she wouldn't suffer and that I would be brave and kind and know when it would be best to say goodbye. She was never really "sick" until the day before we released her from our care. On that Saturday, the tumor "broke through" her sinuses and she started bleeding from her mouth. I thought perhaps that she had bumped her head or chomped down on something and cut the inside of her mouth. Because the tumor was present on the outside of her face, I wasn't thinking about it's "roots" drilling downward and breaking through her sinuses. But, that's exactly what had happened. We knew it was time and she did too. Seven months of knowing that she was fighting a losing battle didn't prepare us well for the reality. It was time to say goodbye. I wasn't the brave and kind person that I thought I would be. In the end, my husband was with her and holding her close as she closed her eyes. I stumbled from the examination room bawling like a baby and went to sit in the car as I didn't want her to think she had upset me or been a bad girl. We both cried for days and still do every once in awhile. I felt her "close by" for quite awhile -- not all the time but every once in awhile it just felt like she was with me. I was walking from my office to the car one afternoon and she just "came" to me out of nowhere. As usual, I said "hey, girl" and told her that I loved her. The last time she was "near" I was driving back from the Westminster weekend. All of a sudden she was just "there" beside me in the van. Almost immediately, the song "Rhiannon" by Fleetwood Mac started playing on the radio. It was the rendition from their "The Dance" album, one of my favorites. Of course, my eyes started filling and when the next song played -- "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" sung by Bob Dylan -- it was all out water works. She left me then and I haven't felt her quite that close again. We have her picture by our bed and say our good-nights every evening just as if she had never left us. Eventually, we'll plant a beautiful willow tree for her down in TN and bury her ashes but, for now, we pat her teak container and tell her that we love and miss her. She was our most precious, princess girl -- bye, bye baby.
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